How hard it is to believe that it has been 2 years since I held you in my arms and told you goodbye. I can still remember what your soft silky skin felt like. You were so tiny I could cup your whole body in my hands. I used to rest one palm on your curled up feet or bottom and the other across your chest and ribs. It was the closest I was allowed to get to craddling you in my arms while you were on the ventilator. I would sing to you every song I could think of and you would relax at the sound of my voice. You especially liked to hold onto your daddy's finger tip- your little grip on him was so slight, but as tight as could be.
On the day you died I could tell that you were so tired. So very very tired. I knew in my heart that it was time for you to go but my heart was breaking that it was so.
Your daddy and I cradled you in our arms as you drifted away. We whispered in your ear how much we loved you, kissed your cheeks, your eyes, your little tiny chin.( just like dad, you had that stubborn chin)
You departed so softly and quietly, as if you were tiptoed up to heaven.
I still wonder everyday what life would be like if you were here. I am often asked by people I meet how many children I have and I never hesitate to mention all three of my children- the two that are here on earth and my tiny red headed angel that lives with God in heaven.
We talk about you all the time in our home. Ethan asks questions about you and your life and death. He tells me that he wishes he could see you. Each night when we say our prayers we thank God for you.
I do thank God for you. I thank God for choosing me to be your mom and for allowing me to be the one to care for you for the few days you were here. I thank God for allowing me to shelter you in my womb until it was time for you to be born. I will continue to carry you in heart, wherever I go, whatever I do.
I love you my sweet girl.
Yours forever and ever,