Gain vs. Loss

We got into an interesting discussing during work yesterday. I was attending a training class in Oklahoma City about coaching and we were talking about conversations that we have to have about good or bad behavior.
The question was raised, " Do we learn more from a loss conversation or a gain? Or can we learn from a loss conversation as much as a gain conversation?" In other words, do we learn more when we are told what we are doing right or experiencing praise, or do we learn more from failures or being told what we do wrong. Or do we learn from them both?
At first, the answer seemed obvious- we learn best from being praised or told what we do right. But it only took me a moment to see the truth for myself.
Yes I can learn from them both, but the truth is that I think I learn more from a loss. After all, when I look back over my career- some of the moments that I can state that I learned the most are the moments that were difficult situations or interactions. I learned more about communication and professionalism from one conversation with a co-worker that turned sour and out of control than I ever learned from hundreds of happy conversations. I can say that I learned way more about driving on the ice the day I slide my T-bird into the ditch than I ever learned from lectures and directions time and again from my stepfather during our Oklahoma winter storms. And who could forget the time I busted open my head while on vacation at Turner Falls after my Father told me repeatedly not to run on the slick pavement at the top of the hill? It was becuase of that moment in time that I learned to listen and obey my Father's voice and instruction.
And one would think after all this time that I could apply these earthly lessons and learn to listen and obey my Heavenly Father's voice.
And at times I think I am finally learning.
I am not saying that a loss is easy or even wanted.... but when I look back over my life, I see that God has taught me so much more, changed me in more extravagent ways, through loss. With that glaring reality staring me in the face, I have to ask myself " Why then would I believe that I should be exempt from loss?" If loss is part of what shapes me into being a more loving, compassionate, wiser person- a person who seeks to know the heart of God more after these experiences- can I dare to say that I want my life to be absent of loss?
I dont want for it becuase it is an incredibly painful experience, but can I say that there is not loss without gain?
What about you? Do you learn from loss...... or gain......... or both?

The Terrible Two's

My sweet, beautiful, darling daughter Olivia recently turned one. For the first 10 months of her life she was laid back, calm, loving, and absolutely an easy baby.
One day that all changed.
It started with an insert of independence into our normal daily routine. She flipped over at a diaper change. Gradually, she began to flip over at each diaper change. Then she started flipping over and trying to crawl away. Then she began to twist and pout and try with all her might to get away at each diaper change, rolling over again and again. It is a miracle that her diaper even gets fastened sometimes.
She has found other ways to try to insist on her independence from refusing to allow us to dress her to fighting us as we brush her hair or put on her shoes( which end up kicked off somewhere in the house, the car, the ground, the store, who KNOWS where she will toss them next!) She throws all out temper tantrums - throwing her body backwards onto the ground, arching her back, and stamping her little feet into the ground. She has this last move down to a science and it is no longer a left foot/right foot alternation. She lifts both legs high into the air and slams them down to the ground at the same time. I swear I once saw the move on the WWF. It is a move that would make Hulk Hogan proud.
Honestly, I dont know where this child came from!

But yet I do.

You see, for all the things that Olivia insists on doing herself or doing her way... none of them are things that she has the skill or capacity to do herself right now. Yes, she could manage to get a cherrio from the high chair to her mouth but she can't get the cereal from the cabinet, she can't change her own diaper(she couldnt even open the diaper cream lid!) She can't dress herself, comb her hair, put on her shoes, or even walk well for that matter( I just know someday soon she is going to get that one down! Please! Walk!!!!) Olivia is trying so hard to do life HER way and yet, she could not successfully sustain life that way. And I can see a reflection of myself in her behavior, spiritually speaking.

She is absolutely and positively on the beginning edge of what many affectionately refer to as the terrible twos. As I watch her act out and think about her behavior, I cant help but ponder at what point in my life I went through the terrible twos with God, spiritually speaking. I would like to think I am past that point in my life and have matured enough spiritually that I dont act out in such a childish manner. But some days, I may be wrong about that assumption. I still have days that I try to be so self driven and independent of outside direction(even from God) and I havent seemed to learn that I cant survive independently without God in my life.
I have to ask myself- am I in my spiritual terrible twos? And can I ever outgrow them?

The Soundtrack of Life

I love music.

I love the beat of it, the melody of it, the elaborate composition that creates a song or a piece. I love the way so many instruments and notes can come together and make a harmonious sound. And I love the simplicity of it too.... the delicate shivers I can receive from just one lone fine note.(insert image of a single harmonica note played at a campfire in the desert at night)
I love the way it can make me feel as happy as a lark... and as alone as the nightingale.

Music helps me to stimulate thought and to slow down my thinking when there is too much going on in my head. It has been my constant companion over the last three years during my long commutes. It has helped me to delight in old memories, get pumped up for a long day, and remember and grieve for my daughter. Music has been a release for me like no other in recent months.

There is just something about just the right song isn't there? You know... THE song. The one that you have been listening to on your radio( or Ipod for you technologically savvy folks) over and over again in the last few weeks. It does something, touches an emotion or thought somewhere inside us.
For me, it makes me feel alive.
It also helps me to connect deeply at times with our Savior.
I can lift up my voice and my vulnerable heart to God with the loudest song or softest whisper... and as the music pours over me I know that He is listening.
And sometimes in the song.....He is speaking.

As often as I stumble upon a new song that quickly gets added to my playlist, I am just as often seeking out songs that I have heard in the past and know I will love..... and secretly adding them to my own personal playlist... you know.... The Soundtrack of my life.
I am not ashamed to admit that I will often (and I do mean often becuase I spend hours upon hours in the car with the radio and my ipod:) hear a new song or an old song and have an Aha! moment as to how that song will fit into or define my life. The writer in me is always dying to tell a story( even an average one, tsk, tsk) and is always looking for ways to accent and articulate the essence of the story. Sometimes, when I hear a song I know just the moment or memory in my life that it will define.
The Soundtrack of my life is an ever evolving list. I dont think that it will ever stop growing or changing.
And this is the beauty of it.
There is always another moment of life to create and always another song to define it.

My Life soundtrack includes songs from Creedence Clearwater Revival, MercyMe, Caedmon's Call, Dixie Chicks, and Aerosmith to name a few... there might even be a song in there from New Kids on the Block. :)

Do you have a soundtrack to your life? And if so, what is it?