Thursday, December 25, 2008

ammendment to and so....

I forgot to add:

"This days been crazy, but everythings happened on schedule,
from the rain and the cold, to the drink that I spilled on my shirt.
You knew how youd save me before I fell dead in the garden,
and you knew this day, long before you made me out of dirt."

Table for Two- Caedmon's Call

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Thinking of You

My little Angel,
We attended a christmas memorial service last week in memory of you and many other children that are no longer here with their families.We said a special prayer with the group- titled the prayer of Faith( how suiting) and placed an ornament on the tree for you. I have missed you ever so much -especially these last few weeks.We are facing our second christmas without you and it is still hard. This year is different than last though, and I am thankful for that. Last year grief bowled me over and knocked me flat on my back... it left me aching and searching... and barely able to face each day... and this year I am managing my way through the holiday season without having to run into hiding.These are baby steps I guess. We are taking it simply this year. Some decorations for Ethan and Olivia( and you) of course. The tree we got last year to start a new tradition.....and all of your stockings line the mantel. It felt good to hang five this year, with your satin pink one tucked on the end. ( your daddy and I will continue to tuck a Christmas letter inside for you this year)The holiday will be simple for us to help make it more bearable. No travel, few visitors, simply celebrating the days we have with your brother and sister, remembering the few days we had with you, and expressing our most humble thanks to God for sending his son into the world to save us.I love you so much, you are never far from my thoughts.


Prayer of Faith

We trust that beyond the absence, there is a presence.That beyond the pain, there can be healing.That beyond the brokenness, there can be wholeness.That beyond the anger, there may be peace.That beyond the hurting, there may be forgiveness.That beyond the silence, ther may be the word.That beyond the word, there may be understanding.And through understanding, there is love.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

and so..........

and so........ it has been quite awhile since I have written. My sincerest apologies to my loyal blog followers. Thank you for your patience with me.
I have no witty or creative postings for today, just a few lines to ensure that you know I am still here and ticking and living and dreaming and believing.
Life is a bit hectic-just the way I like it I suppose. I long for moments to stop and breathe and then when I get them i think I could pull my hair out from the monotony.
We are on the cusp of christmas- which has become something different to me in the last two holiday seasons. It has become deeper- more impactful - more somber.
Not in a negative or less thankful way- just different from the uptempo and exuberant Holiday I grew up with. Of course it is my own experiences in the last few years that shade the holiday for me- but I am thankful that God can use those moments in my life to teach me more of Him.
It was shared with me recently that Christs birth came at such a time of adversity...... born in a manger, at a time when all infant males were being killed, born amongst manure and dirt, along side the animals of the stable....... Christ was born in adversity.......
I think of my own life........ how God uses the adversity, the manure, the dirt, to mold and shape me...... how he delivers Life into me in the times that I am down and out........... what an amazing God that he can shape and mold us and make our lives blessed- even in the dirt.

And so that is where my thoughts are at these days......

Ethan is excited for Christmas to come and has been counting down the days. His joy in the season has brought me joy.

Friday, December 12, 2008

In the words of Wordsworth-


Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind—But how could I forget thee? - William Wordsworth