Faith's Arrival

Faith will be here on July 3rd. Delivery will be a C-section on Tuesday morning at OU Woman's and Childrens Pavilian( The new childrens hospital) We are very excited, anxious, etc!

Significance

There is a mystery to life,
in its beginnings and its end.
The time for each is measured,
and the distance of time may be short or long
or somewhere on the balance inbetween.
There is deep meaning in each existence,
a purpose for each life.
Although we do not always see it,
its always there,
the significance of who we are.Sometimes the truth is self evident!
Sometimes hidden underneath,
our delicate hearts,
our sensitive fears,
and waivering bouts of confidence.

I pray for a stedfast heart to guide me,
and open eyes to see,
the value in my own life-
and to help others find the value,
that is hidden in each of their hearts;

Life Is Significant.

Micayla Carlson

Dr Appt 6/21/2007

We went to visit the Specialist again yesterday.Faith has grown about 6 oz. in two weeks. She is still slow growing, still at the 4 percentile. But her bio score was 8 of 8 which is as good as a baby can score.Along with the gestational diabetes, it is now suspected that I may have preeclampsia. ( you may remember that I developed this with Ethan and this was why he was born almost 2 weeks before his due date) My blood pressure is higher than it should be so I get to take the 24 hour jug test( this is where you collect urine for 24 hours YAY!) and blood tests on Monday to make sure everything is okay with my body. As long as my blood pressure stays under control and my blood sugar- then Faith will be delivered at 34 weeks. ( that is the very first week in July) currently I am 32 weeks and 2 days. We have another appt on Friday June 29th. If Faith's scores are not good or my blood sugar and blood pressure readings are not good, we will go ahead and deliver next week( week of June 25th). We know she will be here very soon and it is just a waiting and resting period for us. I am of course, still at home, trying to control my blood pressure and blood sugars.We were hoping she would not come so soon, but have known since early April that it was likely that she could come early due to growth restriction so this is not a surprise for us. We are ready to meet Faith and hopeful for her progress and recovery. We trust the Lord and His might works- and we rest in His strength.

Psalm 42

Psalm 42
For the choir director: A psalm[a] of the descendants of Korah.
1 As the deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
2 I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I go and stand before him?
3 Day and night I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
"Where is this God of yours?"
4 My heart is breaking
as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers, l
eading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
amid the sound of a great celebration!
5 Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and 6 my God!
Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.
7 I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
8 But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.
9 "O God my rock," I cry,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
oppressed by my enemies?"
10 Their taunts break my bones.
They scoff, "Where is this God of yours?"
11 Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

DR Visit June 15 2007

So we are home from another round at the specialist. Faith gets to stay in another week and we go back on the 21st for the next ultrasound. It was a good visit overall. Good News *** 1.My blood sugar has for the most part been in normal range - and considering this is my first week to watch my diet- this is GREAT. Of course I am one of the few pregnant women out there to lose 3 pounds in a week.( not so good I guess but as long as the baby grows, its okay? I think I have only gained 10 or so pounds so far- but dont worry, I had lotsa extra to begin with #wink) 2. Faith's Biophysical profile was good. She scored an 8 and her cord blood flow has improved since last week. She is still very tiny, but has at least earned herself another week of staying tight in the womb... and we hope many weeks more. This all goes to show that the bedrest has really helped her well being as she is more active and her bloodflow better. This makes me feel a little bit better about being stuck at home and I am determined to get her lots of rest and growth!We will celebrate this weekend with a worry free Father's Day for Cliff. Cliff's parents are coming up to help him set up the Nursery and see Ethan. I will of course spend the weekend in bed or on the couch consuming too many hours of pointless tv programs and wishing that I didnt read through a book in a day. That is an expensive habit :) More to come next week! Stay tuned!

Dayz Daze

The last few days have been so slow moving. Being at home is good becuase I get to keep rested for Faith, and its easy to control my diet( blood sugars are good, yeah!) and Ethan is so happy to have time with me. But my heart is just so heavy. I have trouble sleeping, and last night was no exception. I woke up in the middle of the night with every worry in the world. I worried for everything that I could or could not try to control. It ranged from work, to friends, to family, to how good or bad a mommy I am, to my husband, to..... everything. My heart feels so hollow and flat and ......... it is like I am a daze that I will not ever come out of. It feels like the days are endless...... like these moments are endless, like the earth is flat and I will slide off of the edge and I will never see the globe spin round and the sunlight come out again.I prayed and prayed for how long I dont know. The prayer that kept coming to my mind is that song by Newsboys and Matt Redman- Blessed Be Your Name. So I prayed those words over and again, trying to praise God for this time even though I dont understand it and it hurts so much. I keep pushing ahead, knowing that God will have honor in every inch of this - and I cling to that. It feels right now that it is all I have to cling to.The storms came last night( literally!) and the dogs were scared, Ethan was scared, they were all piled in my bed and we finally got back to sleep about 7am. Sorene came today about 830 to take Ethan for the day to give me some rest. And for the first time in all of this mess......... my body is so tired and I think I will finally get some sleep.

Change with Faith* update 6/8/2007*

Hi all,

Today was another appt with the specialist. We got the news that I DO have gestational diabetes. I get to check my blood glucose level 4 times a day and for now will get to control by diet. If I am successful at controling my glucose by diet I wont have to take pills or insulin shots. Thankfully, it was high but a lower high score. It should be 120 and it was 159. Faith is still kicking strong and has a good heart rate. However, she is still growing SO SLOWLY. She is now down to the 5 percentile. The Dr. talked with us about what happens next. If her growth continues to slow or stops she must come out to survive. He put me out on bedrest and it is our hope that we can carry her to 34 weeks at which time they may do the C-section. ( I am hoping for longer!) I am now at 30 and 1/2 weeks so this is close! I had to get a steroid injection to get her lungs developed early. They taught me how to give myself a shot which I did today and tommorrow I give myself a second round of steroid at home. This should be all for now. I was a big chicken about giving myself the shot and it was such a melodramatic preformance, I swear if the situation weren't so tense and upsetting I would have laughed at myself. Of course, as soon as I did it, I was so relieved I said " oh that was so easy" after the big fit I threw.( okay and if you know me well, you have seen me act SO tough but know I can be the BIGGEST BABY) Everyone in the room did laugh at this. Right now my Aunt is staying over an extra day for moral support and Cliff and I are sorting things out and making plans.We are VERY scared but know this is in the hands of God. Thanks for your continued prayers and support!

Valley of the Shadow of Death

I have been thinking for quite some time about Psalm 23. There are a few versions that I particularly like, which I have copied and pasted below. Many times in each of our life we experience loss, change, or as the new living translation puts it: our darkest hour. What is your valley of the shadow of death? Many of you may not be facing a darkest hour now,but have at some point in your life. It could be the loss of an ideal, poor health, divorce, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, financial woes, lonliness, depression etc. Do you feel you are all alone in the dark? Sometimes I have. Sometimes I have felt overwelmed, unable to sustain composure, scared to move forward. But each time I am given a little more strength, some little bits of comfort- and so I know that Jesus is right there with me, in the darkness, guiding me- and using this experience to bring honor to his name. It used to blow my mind that he can use even our darkest times to honor him. But in my recent experiences, I am beginning to understand. Sometimes it is in those darkest hours that we need to guide our faith back to him - it is those darkest hours that refine who we are, what is important,what we are living for.It is in those darkest hours that we can perform our greatest duties as the body of Christ- to love our brother- to help him bear his burden.I will give thanks to God for this darkest hour. THough I may not understand why I have been chosen to walk this path- I do know that I can glorify his name in this time. That this journey will honor his name- and he will be with me each step of the way. He can use this darkest hour to refine me, to undo who I think that I am, and to build me into who He wants me to be. This darkest hour will give me experience and understanding into things that will help me shoulder the burden for others who will also walk through this valley of the shadow of death. I may not be able to see the end of the journey, or how I will have the strength to make it there, but He will guide me and give me enough strength for each day.And I will rest in that.

Psalm 23 New Living Translation
1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.

A psalm of David. From Psalm 23 New International Version
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.