Today was the due date of the precious baby that we lost to miscarriage back in November at 11 1/2 weeks. Leading up to today, the last few weeks have been a little bit sad for me as I have watched several people around me welcome their new little ones into their families. It reminds me of the little one that I dont have to hold in my arms right now... the sleep that I am still gloriously blessed with each night, the simplicity of feeding an almost 2 year old and a 5 year old who can hold their own forks, the baby gear and bottles that will remain packed away.... but I tell you that seeing those little ones be born is a blessing and a balm to my aching heart. What a precious and wonderful gift life is- a true miracle to be celebrated! If not for Cliff and I to welcome another baby into our family, then dear Lord, please let that blessing rain down on others!
Life is so full for us that sometimes it feels that the loss of that baby, whom I named Evin, is a world away. The sadness is there, in small waves it seaps in, but the fullness and blessing of our life today fills me up and although I have loss, I HAVE GAIN.
My good friend Tami reminded me some months ago that Ethan has Olivia to play with here on earth and Faith now has two siblings in Heaven with her. It calms my heart to imagine those three little ones running amuck in heaven, exploring the great garden, singing and rejoicing with the angels, hearing bedtime stories from Jesus himself. My heavenly children will not know sorrow or pain or loss the way that I have- and someday I will get to be with them again and they can fill me in on every wonderful day that heaven has brought to them.
But today, I will remember my precious little one.
Evin Carlson- Due June 14th 2010. Love and kisses baby boy.