Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A box full

Tonight, we learned that we can fit 11 people in our 6 person storm cellar. Six adults, Five kids(at least one of them screaming his head off too). We have been here 4 years, 3 tornado seasons, and this was the first time we actually had to take a trip down into the cellar. But everytime we have a storm, just to be safe, we put together a laundry basket of items to take into the cellar. Water, blankets, snacks, flashlights, diapers...
Tonight, as I hurried to make our basket and found out some neighbors would be joining us, all I could think about were the items that we have of Faith's that could be swept away in a tornado. I could kick myself that we hadn't bought a security lock box for them yet. I scrambled to grab her things and place them into a small cardboard box to take down to the shelter just in case.
I slid her memorial album in, her picture album, and the tupperware shoebox that has all the things that were hers at the hospital- her ID bracelet, her blanket, her unused micro preemie diapers, a clipping of her hair, and a caste of her footprints.
After the storm was over and the box was sitting on my kitchen table, I walked passed it several times as the evening wore on and I thought," I can fit all of my baby's belongings in a little cardboard box."

MY Baby.



I wanted more. A lifetime of memories and momentos. A room full that I would have to pack up when she moved away to college or to get married. Things I could drag out to show her children when they stayed the night. I want her drawings to hang on my fridge. I want her clothes to fill a closet in the extra bedroom. I want a toothfairy box with her first tooth. I want to step on her toys in the dark in the middle of the night. I want to take her tightly in my arms and hug her and whisper " I love you" and I want to feel her breathing against my chest. I want her to call for mommy over and over again from the other room while I try to just finish putting on my makeup.


1 comment:

Tami said...

Made me cry. I can SO relate. I have Angeliyah's things all in 1 box (plastic storage bin) in my room next to my bed. Every time I go through the box, I cry when I get to the bottom (well, technically I cry the whole time, but I cry harder when I get to the bottom) because I've come to the end of her things so quickly. It's so heart breaking...every time, it's so heart breaking...never seems to get any easier. I wish you had a mansion full of Faith's things. In fact...perhaps she's storing up a mansion (with a little help from a certain Someone who prepares mansions in heaven) full of her things and one day you will get to go through all her heavenly things. What fun would that be...and it definitely would last for more than a few minutes...she could tell you about each and every thing she has done over all the years. :)