Graduation

Dearest Daughter,
Your dad and I finally ordered prints of all your photos this weekend. I was surprised and happy to see that we had over 300 shots of you. Of course, many of these are under the billi lights, and all of them before your death are in your special incubator, but I cherish them none the less. There were so many little things I forgot, and that made me sad. Did you know we got to watch you graduate? In the Nicu your nurses rolled tiny strips of gauze into teeny tiny 'diplomas' and placed one in each of your curled fists for you to hold on to. You looked so sweet holding your baby diplomas in each hand. It signified to me that you had graduated into life. I was so proud! They also rolled a baby recieving blanket into a bed buddy for you and you would cuddle it all day long. They would wrap your little arms and legs around it to help comfort you as you lay in your little cocoon. Your hands were so small, daddy could barely get all of your fingers to curl around just one of his. You always seemed to hold tight when he reached in. I am so sad that I never got to hold you in my arms until you were already slipping away- but do you remember when I would "cuddle" you with my hands? I would sing lullabye after lullabye as I held my hands around you. I remember how it felt to hold my hands to your warm little body and breathe in your baby smell. The nurses were so kind and gentle with you. They let me help as much as possible in your care. I got to change your wee little diapers and take your temperature.I have a picture of me holding up one of your diapers. It is SO tiny in the photo, but on you it was so BIG! What a tiny thing you were! Oh how I miss you Faith! Daddy and Big Brother do too! Ethan tells us everyday that he misses you. He loves to visit your grave and leave flowers and gifts for you.Today he asked to lay in your crib. He just rested there for awhile, looking at your baby mouse. He insisted on using your baby pillow instead of the big one I put in there for his head to rest upon. Lots of hugs and kisses! And many sweet lullabyes! I will go to sleep thinking of you and hoping that we can meet again in my dreams. I love you!

Always and Forever,
Mommy