August 10 2007- To Daughter

Dearest Faith,
Sunday will be one month since your death. You died in our arms, did you know? Your body seemed so tired in the day leading to your death. I remember saying something to your dad about how tired you were, how still you were in sleep. Did you know my heart was breaking that day? It was so heavy in my chest. I wondered that morning how I could go on watching your body suffer so. My heart was breaking bit by bit and I didnt know how many more days I could sit by. I was thinking just that thought when the call came in. It happened just after lunch. I remember running to the elevators to come upstairs to you, my heart was pounding, and I knew, this was the moment we feared. Your body was just too tired.Daddy and I took turns holding you as you died. Your face lost its redness and went from a lively red to pale white, then to blue. We talked to you and told you how much we loved you, that it was okay to let go. That we knew how tired your body was. You were prounounced dead at 2:38 PM on July the 12th.I don't know what to do with myself now that you are gone. I lie awake at night wondering about you, about what our life would be like with you here. We are planning a memorial garden for you. We will plant pansies for remembrance and Lamb's ears for healing. I like to think of you all healed and I try to imagine what your little body looks like now. No more pain and sorrow for my little girl- so why is it so hard for me here now?I am so sad for all the things we wont share. Hugs and songs, and watching you grow. Laughs with your silly big brother.I hope you know how much I love you. Oh how I miss you!!!! My heart breaks with missing you!
XXOO
Love, Mommy