In the last few years, this time of year has become one of difficulty. Everything that the holiday was and what it represented has changed. Don't get me wrong, the Christmas season is still a time that we celebrate our saviour and his presence in our lives..... but as wonderful as this season is... the absence of our daughter brings a heavy cloud to what used to be a joyous occasion... and this has changed the holiday very much for us. In the first few years it was almost an overwhelming struggle to make it through the month of December.
It is still a strange month with many days of ups and downs but it is emerging into something else... something more. It is in these recent years that I not only rejoice in Christ's birth but I also feel the pain and heartache of the journey he walked to bring new life to us. It is during this time that I am beginning to understand that I am not alone in my hurt, my pain, my grief, and my sorrows. The world is full of them.
I am learning to see this season for what it is. A season of remembrance. A time to remember the journey that Christ walked to bring us life, a time to remember whom we hold most dear-those closest to our hearts. It is a time to release, a time to let go of the things that weigh us down, and a time to pour out our tears and our hurts as an offering to God. It is a time to refresh and reflect on God and his glory and to rest with our families. It is a time to refocus, to renew our strength, renew our faith, and renew our hearts and minds. And lastly, it is a time of rebirth. It is a time to reflect on the last year and the amazing journey that Christ has taken us on and to use the things we have faced in the last year- the joys, the sorrows, the difficulties, and the blessings to shape and mold us into better people.
In the last few weeks I have said over and again how glad I am that 2010 is approaching- that I will be so glad when 2009 is over and that 2010 will be a great year! As quick as I was to let go of 2009 and hide it from my sight, I recognize that it was 2009 that brought me to the place that I will be in 2010. It was this journey in the last year and all its ups and downs that have molded the me of today and the me of tomorrow. Instead of turning my back on everything that happened in 2009, I am going to use it as a catapult to launch me into an even better person in 2010.
Stay tuned, new years resolutions thoughts and ideals to come.
2009, I thank you for all that you have taught me and all that you have brought me, both good and bad.
2010, here I come!