Today as we pulled out of the garage to head to church, I noticed immediately that the air was filled with fog. Not the typical early autumn fog that rolls across the ground, accompaning the frost and leaving a cold wet sheen upon the grass. This was heavy, a pea soup sort of Fog which went in every direction and made driving slow and tedious.
As we got very near to the church I joked to the family "What happened to the church!? It is gone!" Indeed, the fog was so thick that we could not see the building of which drive we had just turned upon. Ethan grew upset immediately and started to cry. Quickly, Cliff calmed him down and told him it was a joke and as we drew nearer to the parking lot you could densely see the outline of the large building. Ethan caught on quickly and to express his relief or perhaps to cover is gullibility, he began to joke aloud over and over that someone had hidden the church. This joking went on until we were all unloaded and in the building.
Through much of my life, I have felt like this fog. I have struggled to know WHO I am, how the world sees me, what I am about. More so than even this, I have struggled with seeing clearly who I am in Christ and how the picture of serving Him with My life has fit together. It suddenly became clear to me as I sat quietly listening to the message- that it does not matter WHO I am... all the matter is that I know who HE is. The key to growing closer to God, to finding direction in serving Him, is learning who he is. The rest he will make clear to me over time. Life is Fog, but Christ- he is our lighthouse, our becon of light, and it is through knowing him that we can truly see life and who we are, as his children.
Throughout the first experience while we served and into the second experience as Cliff and I sat in the main hall watching the message, I thought about God and my relationship with Him and how I relate to him. In the last month or two I have felt adrift. Not in my faith that He is real, but in my interactions with Him, in my commitment to spend time seeking Him. I have been drifting through my recent days with half hearted attempts at growing closer to him. And in the most recent days, I have felt that adriftness. I know the key to growing closer with him is seeking Him, searching him out, learning about him.
This is my quest in the coming days and weeks and I hope that you can each help me with this quest. I don't want to make another half hearted attempt. I want to be earnest, consistent, committed to growing closer to him. Dear Reader, could you please help to encourage me in this? Would you consider emailing me (firstname.lastname@example.org) in the next few weeks to check in on this quest, sending me encouragement in seeking him, and sharing with me ways or tools that have helped you come to know him. Scriptures that speak to your heart, stories of times when he has spoken to you?
All my life I have sought to know WHO I am- now it is time to focus on WHO He is..... and my hope is that the former will fall into place in doing so.