Faith's Arrival

Faith will be here on July 3rd. Delivery will be a C-section on Tuesday morning at OU Woman's and Childrens Pavilian( The new childrens hospital) We are very excited, anxious, etc!

Significance

There is a mystery to life,
in its beginnings and its end.
The time for each is measured,
and the distance of time may be short or long
or somewhere on the balance inbetween.
There is deep meaning in each existence,
a purpose for each life.
Although we do not always see it,
its always there,
the significance of who we are.Sometimes the truth is self evident!
Sometimes hidden underneath,
our delicate hearts,
our sensitive fears,
and waivering bouts of confidence.

I pray for a stedfast heart to guide me,
and open eyes to see,
the value in my own life-
and to help others find the value,
that is hidden in each of their hearts;

Life Is Significant.

Micayla Carlson

Dr Appt 6/21/2007

We went to visit the Specialist again yesterday.Faith has grown about 6 oz. in two weeks. She is still slow growing, still at the 4 percentile. But her bio score was 8 of 8 which is as good as a baby can score.Along with the gestational diabetes, it is now suspected that I may have preeclampsia. ( you may remember that I developed this with Ethan and this was why he was born almost 2 weeks before his due date) My blood pressure is higher than it should be so I get to take the 24 hour jug test( this is where you collect urine for 24 hours YAY!) and blood tests on Monday to make sure everything is okay with my body. As long as my blood pressure stays under control and my blood sugar- then Faith will be delivered at 34 weeks. ( that is the very first week in July) currently I am 32 weeks and 2 days. We have another appt on Friday June 29th. If Faith's scores are not good or my blood sugar and blood pressure readings are not good, we will go ahead and deliver next week( week of June 25th). We know she will be here very soon and it is just a waiting and resting period for us. I am of course, still at home, trying to control my blood pressure and blood sugars.We were hoping she would not come so soon, but have known since early April that it was likely that she could come early due to growth restriction so this is not a surprise for us. We are ready to meet Faith and hopeful for her progress and recovery. We trust the Lord and His might works- and we rest in His strength.

Psalm 42

Psalm 42
For the choir director: A psalm[a] of the descendants of Korah.
1 As the deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
2 I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I go and stand before him?
3 Day and night I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
"Where is this God of yours?"
4 My heart is breaking
as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers, l
eading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
amid the sound of a great celebration!
5 Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and 6 my God!
Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.
7 I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
8 But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.
9 "O God my rock," I cry,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
oppressed by my enemies?"
10 Their taunts break my bones.
They scoff, "Where is this God of yours?"
11 Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

DR Visit June 15 2007

So we are home from another round at the specialist. Faith gets to stay in another week and we go back on the 21st for the next ultrasound. It was a good visit overall. Good News *** 1.My blood sugar has for the most part been in normal range - and considering this is my first week to watch my diet- this is GREAT. Of course I am one of the few pregnant women out there to lose 3 pounds in a week.( not so good I guess but as long as the baby grows, its okay? I think I have only gained 10 or so pounds so far- but dont worry, I had lotsa extra to begin with #wink) 2. Faith's Biophysical profile was good. She scored an 8 and her cord blood flow has improved since last week. She is still very tiny, but has at least earned herself another week of staying tight in the womb... and we hope many weeks more. This all goes to show that the bedrest has really helped her well being as she is more active and her bloodflow better. This makes me feel a little bit better about being stuck at home and I am determined to get her lots of rest and growth!We will celebrate this weekend with a worry free Father's Day for Cliff. Cliff's parents are coming up to help him set up the Nursery and see Ethan. I will of course spend the weekend in bed or on the couch consuming too many hours of pointless tv programs and wishing that I didnt read through a book in a day. That is an expensive habit :) More to come next week! Stay tuned!

Dayz Daze

The last few days have been so slow moving. Being at home is good becuase I get to keep rested for Faith, and its easy to control my diet( blood sugars are good, yeah!) and Ethan is so happy to have time with me. But my heart is just so heavy. I have trouble sleeping, and last night was no exception. I woke up in the middle of the night with every worry in the world. I worried for everything that I could or could not try to control. It ranged from work, to friends, to family, to how good or bad a mommy I am, to my husband, to..... everything. My heart feels so hollow and flat and ......... it is like I am a daze that I will not ever come out of. It feels like the days are endless...... like these moments are endless, like the earth is flat and I will slide off of the edge and I will never see the globe spin round and the sunlight come out again.I prayed and prayed for how long I dont know. The prayer that kept coming to my mind is that song by Newsboys and Matt Redman- Blessed Be Your Name. So I prayed those words over and again, trying to praise God for this time even though I dont understand it and it hurts so much. I keep pushing ahead, knowing that God will have honor in every inch of this - and I cling to that. It feels right now that it is all I have to cling to.The storms came last night( literally!) and the dogs were scared, Ethan was scared, they were all piled in my bed and we finally got back to sleep about 7am. Sorene came today about 830 to take Ethan for the day to give me some rest. And for the first time in all of this mess......... my body is so tired and I think I will finally get some sleep.

Change with Faith* update 6/8/2007*

Hi all,

Today was another appt with the specialist. We got the news that I DO have gestational diabetes. I get to check my blood glucose level 4 times a day and for now will get to control by diet. If I am successful at controling my glucose by diet I wont have to take pills or insulin shots. Thankfully, it was high but a lower high score. It should be 120 and it was 159. Faith is still kicking strong and has a good heart rate. However, she is still growing SO SLOWLY. She is now down to the 5 percentile. The Dr. talked with us about what happens next. If her growth continues to slow or stops she must come out to survive. He put me out on bedrest and it is our hope that we can carry her to 34 weeks at which time they may do the C-section. ( I am hoping for longer!) I am now at 30 and 1/2 weeks so this is close! I had to get a steroid injection to get her lungs developed early. They taught me how to give myself a shot which I did today and tommorrow I give myself a second round of steroid at home. This should be all for now. I was a big chicken about giving myself the shot and it was such a melodramatic preformance, I swear if the situation weren't so tense and upsetting I would have laughed at myself. Of course, as soon as I did it, I was so relieved I said " oh that was so easy" after the big fit I threw.( okay and if you know me well, you have seen me act SO tough but know I can be the BIGGEST BABY) Everyone in the room did laugh at this. Right now my Aunt is staying over an extra day for moral support and Cliff and I are sorting things out and making plans.We are VERY scared but know this is in the hands of God. Thanks for your continued prayers and support!

Valley of the Shadow of Death

I have been thinking for quite some time about Psalm 23. There are a few versions that I particularly like, which I have copied and pasted below. Many times in each of our life we experience loss, change, or as the new living translation puts it: our darkest hour. What is your valley of the shadow of death? Many of you may not be facing a darkest hour now,but have at some point in your life. It could be the loss of an ideal, poor health, divorce, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, financial woes, lonliness, depression etc. Do you feel you are all alone in the dark? Sometimes I have. Sometimes I have felt overwelmed, unable to sustain composure, scared to move forward. But each time I am given a little more strength, some little bits of comfort- and so I know that Jesus is right there with me, in the darkness, guiding me- and using this experience to bring honor to his name. It used to blow my mind that he can use even our darkest times to honor him. But in my recent experiences, I am beginning to understand. Sometimes it is in those darkest hours that we need to guide our faith back to him - it is those darkest hours that refine who we are, what is important,what we are living for.It is in those darkest hours that we can perform our greatest duties as the body of Christ- to love our brother- to help him bear his burden.I will give thanks to God for this darkest hour. THough I may not understand why I have been chosen to walk this path- I do know that I can glorify his name in this time. That this journey will honor his name- and he will be with me each step of the way. He can use this darkest hour to refine me, to undo who I think that I am, and to build me into who He wants me to be. This darkest hour will give me experience and understanding into things that will help me shoulder the burden for others who will also walk through this valley of the shadow of death. I may not be able to see the end of the journey, or how I will have the strength to make it there, but He will guide me and give me enough strength for each day.And I will rest in that.

Psalm 23 New Living Translation
1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.

A psalm of David. From Psalm 23 New International Version
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

Faith Update 5/28/2007

All,
Friday we had ANOTHER appt with the specialist to check on Faith. The appointment went well and Faith was moving and kicking for all to see on the Ultrasound. Cliff asked if we could have a 4D ultrasound and they were so kind as to make time to give us one( and on a Friday afternoon before Memorial weekend!) I have enclosed the pictures of her- which are just precious. Doesn't she look just like Cliff?Her growth is slow, she is now in the 8th percentile, she gained about 6 oz only since the last appt. She is a very little one but still fighting and thriving.She is about 1 pound and 8 oz. Her omphalocele is bigger, about 15 cm in diameter. STILL NO DEFECTS DETECTED WITH HER HEART! We celebrate each small step!The doctor has moved me to restricted travel. Which is, not to travel unless neccessary- although he stated that I can travel some for work- just not as much. This may eventually progress to no travel. He said that with Faith's size and growth retardation they would typically send a mom home to do bedrest- but he doesnt want me just sitting at home thinking about the baby and worrying about her condition so it is okay to work as long as I am taking care of myself. We have such an excellent Doctor! He is so kind and attentive. It felt like this appt really turned everything around as far as how I feel about the Dr and hospitals. I really trust that we are in good hands.He told us at the last visit that we could come to appt.'s every 3 weeks but this time he said we will come now every 2 weeks. I think this is becuase of her slow growth but he was careful to point out that every 2 weeks for a visit at this stage of pregnancy is normal. We got to tour the hospital with a wonderful representative from OU Medical. She took us to the birthing rooms, the recovery area, and even took us into the NICU to see what everything is like. The NICU is of course huge and has many rooms with only 2 babies to a room. Gone are the old days of all the babies in one large room. There is also a special area for parents that are preparing to take their special needs children home. In this area they have a room where the parents stay with their baby and the nurses there teach them how to care for the babies. They will also have a social worker that will be working with us after Faith is born and will help us with any decisions or planning that we will need to make. We will be in good hands at OU Medical.
So that is the newest update! We are pushing forward each day and hoping for the best for our little Faith! Love ,
Micayla

Update

Just an update on baby Faith. She has been kicking away and very active. I am enjoying all those little kicks and moments with her. My health has still been good. I am not experiencing as many issues with my sciatic nerves(yay) and feeling pretty good. We had another ultrasound and echocardiogram about a week ago. Thus far, they havent found anything wrong with Faith's heart.. This is significant as 80% of trisomy 13 babies have heart conditions or complications. They will continue to monitor it as she grows as well as after her birth. All of her other signs have been good except that the omphalocele is now 13 cm in diameter. 5 cm is considered giant so I have no idea what 13 cm would be called.
We did see on the ultrasound that Faith is already practicing her breathing to prepare for being out of the womb. So all in all, a good visit. We were reminded again of the Doctors earlier prognosis. That her condition is not compatible with life.I failed my first glucose screening and had a second longer glucose screening yesterday which I think I also failed( will find out next week) I guess I may be going on a restricted diet and exercise to control my blood sugar( but eating healthy is not a bad thing right?) We are fighting to stay hopeful and just trying to enjoy each moment we have with Faith. Some days are really hard for us but all in all we are doing good and pushing forward. I remind myself all the time that Faith was created by God before I even knew she was there. He formed her body completely, her heart and her mind. For the length of times that I have her, what a blessing! We have been entrusted as her parents to love and care for her everyday and we are going to do the best we can!

Faith's Page

http://www.livingwithtrisomy13.org/AlbumFaith.htm

Above is the link to Faith's page.

News

We recieved the result of the amnio this morning. The news is very devastating.Faith has Mosaic Trisomy 13- a chromosonal abnormality.
You can learn more about it at www.livingwithtrisomy13.org
This was the most optimistic, hopeful site we found on the web. Many sites are much more discouraging of the diagnosis.We are working through this step by step and again, sincerely appreciate your support, prayers, and kind words.

Faith

We found out on Monday that we are having a little girl. Cliff wants to name her Faith and i think the name will be very suiting.Faith's ultrasounds went great. She is growing on target and all of the scans seems to look very normal. She does have an omphalocele( learn more at www.omphalocele.com , or www.geeps.co.uk ) which contains some, most, or all of her liver. At this time they did not see any other things like bowel or stomach. She will have surgery after birth but not right away. It will take time to fit her liver back in so they will most likely put a special sac on it and move it back in little by little as the stomach cavity expands. ( kind of like squeezing a tube of toothpaste) She will be delivered via c-section at OU Childrens Hospital( hooray for great hosptals!) and will have her surgery on site.We did have an amnio done which will have results back in 2 weeks. We will go back every two weeks to let them monitor Faith and the next time we go they will do an echo cardiogram to check her heart.Thank you all for your encouragement, kind words, prayers and support!
We will keep you posted!

Please Pray for Us!

Hello All.
I wanted to update you all on what is going on with us. I have been debating over how to write this blog for several days now and dont really know how to start or what to say so I am just going to share the news with you all and ask that you keep us in your prayers.We had the ultrasound for the new baby about 10 days ago( Monday the 12th). The Dr. called me on Wednesday the 14th to let me know that the radiologist picked up some abnormalities on the ultrasound images. It would appear that the baby has something called an omphalocele and he had already set up an appt with a specialist at OU Childrens Hospital for Monday the 26th.Cliff and I were shocked and scared when we heard the news. An omphalocele is basically a condition where the babies intestines,stomach etc did not move back into the body during the development and is growing outside the abdomen. ( you can see about this at www.geeps.co.uk - in the UK its called an exomphalos.) This has not been confirmed for us- nor do we know if there are any other abnormalities with the baby, and how severe. We are anxiously awaiting the appt on the 26th where we will get a 4d ultrasound and possibly an amnio.We are leaning very heavily on the Lord at this time and trusting Him to take us day to day.
When I know more for sure I will post to you all to let you know the progress.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Do I Trust You Lord?

Thanks to Stephanie for writing these verses out for me over 10 years ago. In the last few days they have been a constant on my mind. Thank You Stephanie.
Twila Paris - Do I Trust You LordSometimes my little heart can't understandWhat's in Your will, what's in Your plan.So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,But I can never forget it for long.Lord, what You do could not be wrong.So I believe You, even when I must cry.Do I trust You, Lord?Does the river flow?Do I trust You, Lord?Does the north wind blow?You can see my heart,You can read my mind,And You got to knowThat I would rather dieThan to lose my faithIn the One I love.Do I trust You, Lord?Do I trust You?I know the answers, I've given them all.But suddenly now, I feel so small.Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.I know the doctrine and theology,But right now they don't mean much to me.This time there's only one thing I've got to know.Do I trust You, Lord?Does the robin sing?Do I trust You, Lord?Does it rain in spring?You can see my heart,You can read my mind,And You got to knowThat I would rather dieThan to lose my faithIn the One I love.Do I trust You, Lord?Do I trust You?I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!You were God before, and You'll never change.I will trust You.I will trust You.I will trust You, Lord.I will trust You.

i am back! ( sort of)

So its so true. I have been a bit lax at the myspace thing. It honestly has been a battle for me to keep up with. Apologies to all my dear friends out there that I keep up with through Myspace. Please forgive me for not sending you nice personal messages and comments to your sites.I have been so busy with work and Cliff and Ethan, and well just resting lots in preparation for all those nights coming up that I wont be sleeping :) SighI am just trying to work hard and come home and enjoy my boys and make it through this pregnancy!I am actually feeling much better this time. Less tired( although OH SO TIRED!), very few headaches, very little nausea. Much better than the pounding headaches and days full of nausea with Ethan. I am less moody, less sullen, less depressed- it is really an enjoyable pregnancy this go round.Things are going well for all three of us and we are enjoying life in Stillywater.Hopefully, in the near future I will have time to catch up with each of you. Until then, lots of love from me to you!

Unexpected Surprises

So if you havent heard the news I am sure you can guess by reading this first sentence what I am about to type next. Have you made your guess? Chances are you guessed right. I am pregnant. We are expecting our second sweet baby in August 2007. ( Summer time AGAIN!?!?!)Well I guess when you dont plan things out they kinda happen like that :)
Cliff and I are very excited. Ethan will be almost three( one month shy) by the time the new little one comes along. I am very excited to watch him become a big brother. I just wanted to share the news so everyone can share in our joy!
We are blessed!

So Ya'll..................

Yep, so Ethan and I are back from L-town and happy to be back with Cliff. His surgery was a success and he is recovering well. I just got back from Chicago this weekend and i have to say........ BRRRRRRRR. Cliff just celebrated the big 27! He got lots of great Sooner stuff( yeah I know, our home is one big oxymoron, right?) So all and all, it has been a busy week for us. Mic Chicago, Cliff birthday, Ethan Surgery.Also, this weekend is Homecoming weekend. Swing by the US CELLULAR store on Saturday for the parade if you are in town and see me. We have loads of giveaways( and when I say loads, I really mean a giant trailer LOAD) or come find me at the autograph tent at the game!
Miss ya! and Go Pokes!

Here We Are

So we are here! We moved into the new homestead this weekend and had Ethans #2 birthday party! IT was a blast. Ethan started his new daycare this week( He is going to Aunt Serenes house!) and Cliff also started his new job!
God is blessing us! He opened up the door for us with opportunities. I really prayed that God would lead us down a path that would bring us opportunity to grow closer to Him and as a family unite even more. How swiftly God opened this door for us! Cliff and I made a commitment that once we moved we would find a place to serve and worship Him. Now is the time to truly turn over all that we have to Him and sometimes its not easy to let go..Help hold us accountable to our commitment! Thanks for all your prayers and support. Call us or come visit anytime you are near!
Love,Micayla
580-512-1682

Did Ya Miss Me?

Dear Friends and Family,
So sorry to have taken so long to post a new update! We made it! We have officially survived our first month away from our childhood home! And so much is going on!Yes, I have been working LOTS! It has been hard to juggle all the work and moving, realtors, bankers, etc and still make time for Cliff and Ethan( but I am doing it!) I am not getting very much time with them at all on working days but have committed to spending as much time as possible on my days off with them and not my laptop. .The two stores that I work at are AWESOME and the teams there are so great to work with. They all seem so focused on doing whatever they can to make our stores the best! BIG HEARTS! Cliff found a job and should be starting in the next week or so @ Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oklahoma. We also sold our house( within 2 weeks!) and we are closing on our new home in Stillwater next week! So our new addy will be:
2421 S WesternStillwater, OK 74074
We are excited and so ready to be in our OWN home and settled into our jobs! We miss everyone very much and hope you will right or COME VISIT! We have lots of room!
Love,Micayla

"All My Bags Are Packed and Im Ready to Go"

So, If you havent heard the news yet.......... we are moving.We found out about a week ago- I have accepted a position with the company to move to northern OK and manage the stillwater and Enid stores.Our last day in Lawton will be Friday.We are very excited and very nervous- but know that God will direct us where each step of the way.Cliff put in his two week notice and will look for a new job up that way. We havent decided if we will settle in Stillwater, Enid, Guthrie, or Jennings- that will all depend on Cliffs new job :) We just listed our house on the market so as soon as it sells we will be looking for a new one and in an aparment in the meantime.
Stay in touch!
We will see you around!

My Boy

The rainy days are no longer rainyThe sunny days shine so bright I can hardly see.The cold does not seem so chilling.Even the pain seems to find more healing..
and all becuase of you - Ethan Brock
For those of you that know me- you know I can be moody, easily depressed, stressed..... I swear that my heart is just too big for my body. I feel too much too fast too deep.Earlier this week I was so overwelmed. I just could not hold it in any longer. It was so long overdue. I was home from a LONG day at work and Ethan was eating dinner in his chair. I was sitting at the little wooden dining table and I put my hands over my face so that he couldnt see me cry. The tears were giant crocodile tears and I could not hold back the wracking sobs. IN the midst of this total meltdown I peak around my hands to see if Ethan has noticed becuase I dont want him to become scared becuase he has never seen me really cry. My most precious baby is laughing and hiding his face behind his hands. He peeked around and laughed some more. He thought I was playing peekaboo and he thought my sob was a laugh and when he heard it he laughed louder.Ethan, even in the midst of my hardest days you bring me comfort.God, thank you for this precious gift in my son, who is a comforter and healer to everyone he touches. He brings so much joy to the world around him. May you always be his rock and guiding force. May he always trust in you.

Baby Love

So I just went to check on my sweet sleeping babe- he is of course sprawled out with his legs poking out the slats- i moved them and he did wake up but he didnt get scared-mostly just seemed mad that i woke him.He usually curls up with his stuffed frog and his spidey blanket( okay so right now the blanket he is most attached to is leapard print- YES I SAID LEAPARD print)I just am so in love with that boy and I love being a mommy more and more everyday. And I am more in love with Cliff than ever for giving him to me and for just being an awesome dad. I am sooo blessed.Ethan is very much into dirt and Finding Nemo, he loves to play ball, and he loves to play pretend( right now the pretend thing is to make the little stuffed animals or bath animals make noises and jump around) He also loves to play follow the leader . Being a mommy has changed my life for the better in SO many ways!!!!!!!Thank you Lord for this beautiful family!!!!!!!!!

Ninja Turtle Lover

Esteban-
Can't believe its already been 8 years.

Cowabunga Dude!
Salute.
I will always remember.

-Micayla